When everything is perfect yet the Soul is crying!

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I landed back home in Mallorca, gazing into the loving eyes of Christopher and enjoying my most favourite smile in the world meeting me in the bright sunshine. The smell of the sea air with all the heartfelt kisses and hugs made my head spin as if I was drinking champagne! My wings spread wide open! Thank you God! I am living my dream! Christopher (who is an advanced structural integration practitioner) and who dwells inside my heart, saw through my Cheshire cat’s smile and realised I was carrying something in my neck and offered his help there. Still smiling to the left and to the right, hugging everyone who came my way, I said “Oh yes please!” I really thought I felt great and I was just so happy to be back home! The next day I received some structural integration work. I don’t know how long Christopher worked with me as I soon went into a sleepy healing trance. On waking up I cozied up with 3 cats and continued to sleep. My dreams were intense, revisiting my dad’s funeral. I woke up the next morning with a sense of volcanic activity within! I felt a sort of hurt inner dragon wanting to melt everything in it’s way. I told Christopher that I felt like shit and as he hugged me strongly I connected with the hidden pain of losing my Dad. As I started shaking he gently whispered that maybe I needed to let him go, which helped me realise I should say good bye to him properly. But suddenly I was 5 years old with fists and tears, putting my foot down, screaming “NO!” These feelings were so unexpected! O dear God, I just did not give myself time to feel the pain after my Dad died! After the funeral I flew back to India to practice yoga like a wounded wild animal, studying endless homework so I could pass all the exams for my next certification. I was in denial and so focussed on being strong with no time to mourn. All my unresolved emotional pain landed unconsciously in my neck, yet I had no physical pain! Feeling safe at home I allowed myself to melt, cry and generally fall to pieces. As I surrendered to the reality of the inner pain, I felt liberated as light began to replace the shadows which had been covering me since November. It’s still not easy to talk about it but now I feel strong enough to face the fact that my dad died. I still want to call him and tell him that he is my Heart and in my Soul and that I am part of him, so he will always be in me! I dream to see the sparkle in his eyes and hear his voice “So when do you come and visit me?” Now I close my eyes and feel healing tears dropping down, sensing a lot of energy and love around and I am whispering to the stars “I am with you forever, my Sweetheart Dad!  I Love you, feel you and I carry you in my Heart!”

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